Ben Nicholson

Spiral

“Spiral”, my final song for Music 450, is a song that I was afraid of writing. One day, while strumming my guitar aimlessly in my room, I stumbled upon a chord change that I found to be extremely ugly and somewhat beautiful at the same time: F#m7 to Fmaj7, both with ringing B and E strings in the tops of their voicings. While I bounced back and forth between the two chords, I began to realize that it would not be easy to turn this into a song; what melody would latch on these harmonies, what words and feelings did the sound of these chords bring out in me, and, maybe most importantly, where else could this song go? For a while, I let the song rest in my mind, unwilling to take on the challenge of developing it. But when we started to prepare for our final in class, I knew that the only way I was going to be able to make these chords into a song was if I had no other choice: I decided that I had to address this song or I would have nothing to present for my final. Out of the stubbornness of this song and my unwillingness to give up came “Spiral”, the most complicated and emotional song I’ve written.

“Spiral” is my attempt the blur the lines between what’s ugly and what’s beautiful (they can be the same things, sometimes). It’s a song that I sing loudly and coarsely on, one that feels like it’s settling into something comfortable before shifting back into unease. I eventually decided to make this song in two parts, the second of which is a response to the first. I’m not going to say what “Spiral” is about, only that it has a lot of meaning to me. Take whatever you’d like from it.

Lyrics

spiral — Ben Nicholson

off today
I'm spiral
twist down to

hollow cave
and water
safe in my

throat
don't tumble in
I know where you've been
please stay

off today
I'm spiral
cut into

swollen glands
and swallow
safe in my

throat
don't tumble in
I know where you've been
please stay

broken wrists
you are so sharp for me
scissor blades
and gardens laid are splitting up
so lend me your

ocher thighs
you are so sharp for me
patient ache
and pressure points are blooming

you're my turn

off today
I'm spiral
in flooded pools
I taste your blood
and you wash my face